In my next parent life I want to be an Octo-rilla-roo-og

I have come to the conclusion that in my next life as a parent I would like to come back as an Octo-rilla-roo-og. WTF and why?..I hear you ask...

Well, based on absolutely no evidence or protracted thinking, and a mere two glasses of wine I have decided that only by combining the diverse features of multiple non human creatures will I achieve superhero style parenting abilities. In the somnolent, dreamlike state I often exist in during night feeds, I have conjured up my wish list of features and benefits...which goes something like this:

1. The 8 eight arms (tentacles) of the octopus: pretty obvious really, but I'd like to dedicate one arm solely to feeding myself cake, another to holding my daughter and the others to completing life's various chores. Right now I need a permanent laundry-folding arm. I'm also thinking the waterproof slippery skin(?) would come in pretty useful for its sick-proof, wipe-clean properties?

2. The family lifestyle of the gorillas: am thinking lots of help in looking after little ones. Easy access to advice, camaraderie, safety in numbers...AND gorilla babies are super cute. Human babies can be unpredictable, they have good days and bad ones in the beauty stakes, but ALL gorilla babies are adorable, all the time. Fact.

3. The pouch of the kangaroo: extremely useful. I'd like mine not only for childcare, but I'm also thinking it'd be a handy place to keep my phone, keys and wallet rather than the giant changing bag I now cart around which swallows all critical personal items and sucks them into the vortex of its cavernous pockets, never to be retrieved without effort and expletives. I'm also reliable informed that kangaroos have three vaginas. Yes REALLY. Useful or not? I'll let you decide.

4. The endless enthusiasm of the dog: for this part I have taken my inspiration from my glorious, faithful spaniel, Raffles. My logic is that any creature who can be so inspired by sticks, so interested in sniffing bottoms and so unfailingly happy to greet you at any time of day or night would also take immense pleasure in the endless cycle of feed, excrete, sleep, repeat that parenting entails.

So there we have it. I have doubtless missed some very sensible animals out, and my proposed mythical creature the octa-rilla-roo-og would definitely be W-UGLY, but right now, it seems logical to me...and more importantly far more competent than me...and that's what counts.