Basically I reckon I'm already teaching my little daughter bad manners, things she'll have to unlearn if she ever wants to be accepted in polite society. At present her lively little bottom seems to have a voice of its own. She has extensive pitch and volume...and my husband and I find this hilarious! How could you not be entertained by those loud squelchy, wet noises ( that normally get blamed on the dog)? The fact that they emanate from the Moses basket at 3am...often rapidly followed by an 'aaahhh' noise of satisfied release is a source of endless amusement for me, I reckon it may be less so in future years as I'm left apologising for my daughter..rather than my husband/dog as the restaurant is evacuated due to suspected gas leaks again. Similarly, I currently greet every loud belch that is not followed by a tidal wave of curdled milk with a virtual high-five, back slap, fist pumping gesture rather than a tut of disapproval. All this will doubtless have to change in time unless I change my ways now!
However the thing that truly irks me are table manners. In polite society you really should be able to wield a knife and fork with competence. In baby world table manners surely equate to life at the breastbone. Why not start 'em young and make the most of these formative months?
For example: In the same way as you are told not to point your fork upwards (in case someone falls through the ceiling???!!)...I feel it should be rude to reach across the chest to the other breast and start twiddling. It is not a volume control button and it basically translates to playing with your food..which is naughty. Also head butting, pummelling with fists and general crying should be out whilst suckling..this will doubtless translate to a temper tantrum at mealtimes, complete with screaming and elbows on the table.
Finally, and I'm assured this happens to all breastfeeders at some point, babies should be trained not to bite. Why?....because with or without teeth it's damn painful! (Although let me say thank goodness they are generally born without teeth, this is truly a triumph of evolution). So it got me to thinking, how on earth are you supposed to 'train' these little animals? I read somewhere you should unlatch then with the words "don't do that, you're hurting mummy." I say forget that..lve found a swift poke in the ribs to be most expedient. That'll soon learn 'em! An eye for an eye and all that! (Although please note I am note advocating premeditated corporeal punishment, it is simply an instinctive reflex action on my part).
Anyway, most development books, of which I've read zero, say that the first few months are vital formative days for getting their brains in gear. So whilst we're chanting endless nursery rhymes to stimulate their musical and vocal abilities..why not factor in a few manners, surely it can't hurt to get them started young on etiquette..and if it means I can get back to eating in nice restaurant sooner rather than later then that's an added bonus!
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