I believe that at some point it is only natural for new parents to hit the proverbial wall as cumulative sleep deprivation starts to bite. Whilst the concept of 'the wall' is something familiar to me from years of endurance sports, caring for a newborn requires a whole new level of mental and physical stamina. Am thinking something akin to a US naval SEAL? Fellow parents I salute you, as today for they first time my reservoirs of patience ran out...cue tears, swearing and dark, wild thoughts.
Whilst I had hoped that my first post of parenthood would be a positive one, it is only as I have logged my lowest morning in motherhood (so far!) that I have actually made time to blog in the hope that others may wish to share and support me in my moment of gloom. I suspect experienced parents may read this and smile knowingly, those at a similar stage will empathise with my pain (and joy) and those you have yet to tread this path will doubtless be grateful you are not in my shoes.
So today at nearly 5 weeks in age my darling daughter, Ophelia, cried almost non stop from 6am until midday..and then all evening too. It has hurt, my head, my heart, my soul and my auditory canal to listen and to feel powerless to alleviate her pain. We worked through the classic causes, huger, happy change, tiredness, overstimulation, temperature. Negative ghost rider..the pattern is full! Just when I thought we were successfully learning to communicate with one another based on me being about to effectively decode the decibel and pitch of each cry, plus read her little squirms and tongue movements... she has decided to turn rogue. I know this is a learning curve, but as a proficient linguist I find myself flummoxed by her new tones, and every trick to placate her failed. Today has seen me sing and swear, soothe and sway, and ultimately wander the streets of Shrewsbury in tears in the hope that movement would provide more than 10mins respite in which I might regain my equilibrium (never mind find time to eat or sleep).
Reluctantly tonight in the interest of sanity I have conceded defeat and brought out the dummy. Amazing how such a simple item can have such a profound effect. Silence at last reigns supreme once more... On which note, as I prepare for the marathon of night feeding, this zombie is going to bed. Rock n roll Friday night for me. X
Whilst I had hoped that my first post of parenthood would be a positive one, it is only as I have logged my lowest morning in motherhood (so far!) that I have actually made time to blog in the hope that others may wish to share and support me in my moment of gloom. I suspect experienced parents may read this and smile knowingly, those at a similar stage will empathise with my pain (and joy) and those you have yet to tread this path will doubtless be grateful you are not in my shoes.
So today at nearly 5 weeks in age my darling daughter, Ophelia, cried almost non stop from 6am until midday..and then all evening too. It has hurt, my head, my heart, my soul and my auditory canal to listen and to feel powerless to alleviate her pain. We worked through the classic causes, huger, happy change, tiredness, overstimulation, temperature. Negative ghost rider..the pattern is full! Just when I thought we were successfully learning to communicate with one another based on me being about to effectively decode the decibel and pitch of each cry, plus read her little squirms and tongue movements... she has decided to turn rogue. I know this is a learning curve, but as a proficient linguist I find myself flummoxed by her new tones, and every trick to placate her failed. Today has seen me sing and swear, soothe and sway, and ultimately wander the streets of Shrewsbury in tears in the hope that movement would provide more than 10mins respite in which I might regain my equilibrium (never mind find time to eat or sleep).
Reluctantly tonight in the interest of sanity I have conceded defeat and brought out the dummy. Amazing how such a simple item can have such a profound effect. Silence at last reigns supreme once more... On which note, as I prepare for the marathon of night feeding, this zombie is going to bed. Rock n roll Friday night for me. X
sending love your way, kim!
ReplyDeleteOh my honey- suddenly for the first time Shrewsbury feels too far away. Wish I could be with there with you and give you a big hug. Sending love through my fingers and looking forward to seeing you soon (send dates) xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you darling..am feeling much better today. I appreciate your love and support always xxx
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